#stillBORN Campaign - Sofia's Story

Published on: 07/04/2017

So, if you are reading this, then the chances are you have been affected in some way by the loss of a baby. I am so sorry that this has happened to us. It really is hell on earth. But, I am writing this in the hope that people will talk about their babies, their pain, and that the message that stillbirth and birth loss still happen will get out there and that one day less babies will die and less families will have to live this nightmare.
This is our story.
We did not know the sex of our baby. We have a son and long for another child as we feel we have lots of love to give. Eventually, in 2015, we got pregnant, but having gone through years of waiting, hoping and being disappointed, we were petrified that this pregnancy was going to fail. Tragically, our greatest fears were realised, when at full term, 39 + 6 weeks, we were told that our baby did not have a heart beat – our child had died.
Despite being under consultant care during this pregnancy, I did not see a consultant and saw only registrars throughout my pregnancy. Everything seemed normal throughout. At our 20 week scan I remember the sonographer joking around, when I was petrified that something would be wrong, and I do remember him saying that the baby was on the small side, but nothing to worry about as the baby was in relation to me, as I am small.
I also recall at my final midwife appointment (my normal midwife was off sick) that she measured me extremely quickly; the tape measure seemed to fly up in the air. And, as I found out later, it is possible that I was not measured accurately as their estimations meant I would have had a very large baby, and at 5lb14oz at birth, this she most certainly was not.
In my final week of pregnancy, I could not shake off a feeling of unease. I was concerned about movements, but had been for a long time and several times I considered going in to get checked. With all of my soul now I wish that I had. But, just as I was worrying about it, the baby would kick and I remember thinking, ‘what would they say, the baby’s moving’. I believe that we should explain to mothers the reason we monitor movements is because reduced movements are linked to stillbirth, however many people seem reluctant to say the word as they don’t want to worry mothers unnecessarily. But, how can we monitor something properly if we don’t know why we’re doing it?
sofia2The day before our baby died, we went to a wedding and I finally plucked up the courage to ring and ask about movements. I was told by the midwife on the phone (who huffed and sounded very busy), that it just meant regular movements, and as our baby was moving regularly, I felt reassured. I later realised that this is not what is meant; it means movements which are different from your baby’s normal pattern of movements. Perhaps if she had taken time to talk to me I wouldn’t be writing this now. Now, we will never know.
At the wedding and our baby’s last day of life, I felt lots of movements. This, I now believe was due to hypoxia, (low oxygen), as when she was born, three days later, she had the cord around her neck three times. I have been told that as there is little evidence of this they don’t talk about it. But, I know what I felt. I felt her die. Inside me. There were the strangest of movements, and then nothing. It didn’t hurt, like you’d think it should. Surely, if your baby dies, the most horrendous thing that can happen to you, then it should hurt? Sometimes things in life make absolutely no sense.
The next morning, there were no movements. But occasionally there were big shifts in movements; this I later found out is simply the baby’s body moving within the amniotic fluid. But, I told myself, this could be the baby moving. Later on that day we went in to get checked out. I remember thinking, ‘How can I live with myself if something was wrong and I didn’t go in’.
Now, I live that reality daily.
That day, we had a Doppler at the smaller hospital, near us and she simply said she wanted us to go to the bigger hospital to be scanned. We know now that she knew. Somewhere inside of me I think I knew too. When we arrived and had a scan and she said those words, I asked her if she was joking. But somewhere inside me I already knew.
A few days later, on 2nd August Sofia Edana was born. I gave birth to her naturally and know now that this was the right thing to do. When she arrived, she was beautiful. She was real. Yes, a little purple and with a squashed nose, but she was ours. I miss her every day, every minute, every second. I wish with all my heart that what happened had been different, but I am determined that more mums get clearer messages and not left feeling something isn’t right.
Following investigations, we believe that Sofia died due to a placenta issue combined with the cord being wrapped around her neck three times. Stillbirths and baby deaths do still happen.
Please, spread the word about stillbirth; help save babies’ lives.
Sarah South
FACTS: A third of all stillbirths occur at full term (37 weeks +), changes in patterns of movements is a risk in ANY pregnancy, babies do NOT stop growing (and fundal height measurements stop increasing) at full term, a baby’s pattern of movement should stay about the same after 32 weeks, any changes should be physically checked out.